Depression (C-Day + 53)

Well I have been back at work for 3 days. The eye is still irritated, but hasn't been to bad. The depression is setting in and I don't like it! I have many things to do, but my drive to get them done is failing me. I had planned to ride my bike across the state of Illinois last Saturday, but I am not allowed to exercise for another week. Increased pressure on the eye, it seems, is a bad thing.

So the bike hangs alone in the garage.....

While we lived in Belgium, it was not uncommon for me to grab a flight to Slovakia or the Czech Republic and just ride a couple hundred miles over a few days, with a small backpack and no idea where I would end up each day. I can still see the fields of sunflowers that stretched on for miles. And then the High Tartar mountains would begin, time and speed were unimportant. I can't fully explain how great it felt to just ride. I would be covered in dirt and sweat by the end of the day. Then check into some small hotel shower maybe a quick nap. Then I would walk to some little pub have a few cold beers and invariable meet some of the nicest people ever. The conversation always seemed to start the same. I would explain that I was an American living in Belgium, a computer engineer working for NATO. This was followed by talk of culture, music, bikes and life. Then I would walk back to the hotel call Jen let her know I was O.K., and then just sleep some of the best sleep ever, and do it all over again the next day. I could then go back to 12 – 16 hour days with a smile.
I know those day's are over, but the memories will last forever. This cancer thing has changed everything. I can't run away anymore. How easy would it be to call a few friends and get a job in Europe, live in a small village, dine with friends, new culture, new life.......
No, that is not to be.... Jen and the girls love being back. That life with 4 young girls is just too hard. This is a good time to say how great Jennifer has been, for 17 years she went where I wanted, lived where I wanted without complaint (maybe a few :)). I owe her more than I can ever pay.

Things that stick with me: Good and bad

Joining the U.S. Air Force

Asking Jen to marry me..
“I am leaving, I won't be coming back, do you want to come?”
She said "Yes"
best move I ever made............

Nude Beach ... Berlin

Straussenfest Berlin

Ramstien AFB

Camping in a small cabin with Jen Interlocken Switzerland..

Mountain Climbing whitewater rafting Garmish Germany..

Volksmarch, Oktoberfest

Paris (the first time)

Paris (with Jen and Mackenzie)

Paris Moulon Rouge (Josh Gina Jen)

8 days Southern Italy with Paris Bossa

Rolling the Porsche 1 week before Emma was born. (walked away)

Running our 5K on the canal with Jenn (windy)

268 KM (166 mile) Bike race 4 countries one day non-stop 9+ hours

Holidays Turkey, Bulgaria beach

Biking Czech Republic, Bulgaria, Holland, Belgium, Slovakia....

One week in Holland with Steve Kearby

Day trip on the train Antwerp

Loss of Father... Good bye Dad

Birth - 4 beautiful girls..

Kosovo 9 months alone

Friends.... You know who you are .. Thank You........

CANCER....??????????????????????????????????? @%&*ing CANCER

Tomorrow the fight continues.....

Cheers,

Paul